What the fuck went wrong? Is there a crimp in the system? Are you there God, Gods, Jehovah, Virgin Mary, Buddah , Santa? it's me Alex. I'm not one for prayer but I need something....tequila bottle?
My depression is in full swing and I'm doing my best to keep clear of the Prozac.At this point I fear for my own safety. I'm learning not to care and it shows, I do my best to hide the pain but, It's quite evident when one looks into my eyes, the light has been shut off. What happen to me? I can remember the days when I felt as though I had the skin of a Rhino and nothing could stop me. I was once invincible.
I haven't felt this low since I was a teenager. I could use some help but asking is not an option, it never was. One must just deal with it. I hope it passes sooner than later. I don't want to go back on meds but I don't feel as though I have a choice.
I have always though of depression as a private thing. It's almost a pitty party, I don't want a pitty party because it would take way too long to create the damn invitation. I am at a loss and at this point I need a calgon bath to take me away.
Maybe some Thrifty Ice Cream, Jenate' Splash, I don't fucking know.
Oh wait I know, I need some fucking money. They say that Money is the root of all evils, I just say "money is the root" we create our own evil so stop blaming it on money. Money isn't evil, it just makes life easier to move forward. The best things in life are free? Bullshit! It's a known fact that people don't appreciate things that are free. Work hard for what you need/want and it will be far more appreciated than something that was given for free. Look at my brother for instance, he is living rent free in a 4 bedroom house, he has absolutely no appreciation what so ever! My little sister has been given everything in life, she is also a person that doesn't appreciate a damn thing. Dude, I have a bunch of lazy asses in my family that don't appreciate what they have because they are spoiled rotton.
Come to think of it , maybe I'm not depressed, just beyond angry at the fucking system. What the hell? We as human beings are so damn spoiled. Excess, that's all we know. Can't we just go back to simpler times? I want to go back to the Leave it to Beaver days, but only because times were so much simpler. No cell phones, virtual friens, color tv, internet, dish washers, x-box, calculators. What ever happened to the abacus? Writing out a letter and dropping it into the mailbox? What ever happened to outdoor activities? Human contact?
Fuck it, I can't deal, Prozac it is.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Monday, December 8, 2008
Man of Step-God?
Why in the fuck does family feel the need to throw religion in my path? Do I look like I need serious saving?
Lets take my step -dad for instance. A dedicated bible reader that preatches to all, "you must be saved or you will go to hell" what ever. Just last week as I sat at the breakfast table he jumped up on his rickidy (and ready to tumble) soap box and with his passionless voice started to read passages of the bible to me because he feels I need saving. This coming from a man that hates Homosexuals (he prefers to call Fags), African Americans (I seriously don't want to even type the word that he uses), makes fun of people in need Welfare (he calls them trashy) and at this point, I thinks he hates Mexicans.
How does this man possibly think he is a man of God???
Well, God may pulling a fast one on him...................................
My Step-Father has a Gay Brother, a Black Brother-in-Law , his daugher is knocked up and will need Welfare assistance, and he's married to my mom that is 100% mexican!
Well fancy that Fucker!
Lets take my step -dad for instance. A dedicated bible reader that preatches to all, "you must be saved or you will go to hell" what ever. Just last week as I sat at the breakfast table he jumped up on his rickidy (and ready to tumble) soap box and with his passionless voice started to read passages of the bible to me because he feels I need saving. This coming from a man that hates Homosexuals (he prefers to call Fags), African Americans (I seriously don't want to even type the word that he uses), makes fun of people in need Welfare (he calls them trashy) and at this point, I thinks he hates Mexicans.
How does this man possibly think he is a man of God???
Well, God may pulling a fast one on him...................................
My Step-Father has a Gay Brother, a Black Brother-in-Law , his daugher is knocked up and will need Welfare assistance, and he's married to my mom that is 100% mexican!
Well fancy that Fucker!
Monday, December 1, 2008
Black Friday
So, Black Friday......
Why is everybody in such a cluster fuck of a rush? Who made up the rule and why do so many follow? I'm sure if poisoned punch was available it would have also been taken. I don't get it.
What ever happened to simpler times when it was the thought that counted more than the extravagance of the gift? So much pressure is put towards spending money that most don't have. What happened to us? When did we become so materialistic? Tell Me!
Speaking about Black Friday, while working at "The Mother Ship" on black Friday some asshole returned her used turkey pan because she was unsatisfied with the way her turkey came out. Oh did I forget to mention the fact that she brought it back dirty dripping with thick grease and pieces of turkey skin stuck to it? She didn't even have the consideration to take the fucking thing outside and hose it down! What nerve! What has this world come to? Oh and to top it off we at "The Mother Ship" kiss every ones ass so we accepted her return with a smile.
Why is everybody in such a cluster fuck of a rush? Who made up the rule and why do so many follow? I'm sure if poisoned punch was available it would have also been taken. I don't get it.
What ever happened to simpler times when it was the thought that counted more than the extravagance of the gift? So much pressure is put towards spending money that most don't have. What happened to us? When did we become so materialistic? Tell Me!
Speaking about Black Friday, while working at "The Mother Ship" on black Friday some asshole returned her used turkey pan because she was unsatisfied with the way her turkey came out. Oh did I forget to mention the fact that she brought it back dirty dripping with thick grease and pieces of turkey skin stuck to it? She didn't even have the consideration to take the fucking thing outside and hose it down! What nerve! What has this world come to? Oh and to top it off we at "The Mother Ship" kiss every ones ass so we accepted her return with a smile.
Friday, November 28, 2008
The Mother Shit
I've come to the conclusion, that we as humans have to do what we hate in order to do the things we love.
For instance, my Mac took a major shit! I can't afford a new one so I work at a lousy job so I can afford one someday. Today I opened my paycheck and it was for 44 hours of work at a whopping 398.00. Fuck man I remember the days when I could make that much cash in one 3 hour photo shoot, along with a few hours of downloading and photo shopping, but that's fun and it's a cake walk compared to my lousy job at , well, lets call it "The Mother Ship" I don't want to slander or anything.
So now maybe your thinking, how did Alex get in this mess? Well it all started out with loosing everything by making bad decisions. Yes at one time I felt like I had it all. Money, a killer house, a cool husband that let me do whatever the fuck I wanted, and great animals. Not to mention my photography business was on a climb and my fine art shows were getting great reviews. I had the confidence of a queen. Well that all ended with a shitload of bad business decisions and a husband with a huge ego. Anyhow, It's all gone and Hell why not get rid of the husband while my chips are down and I've just had it with everything.
Well, starting over is rough especially when one has the confidence of an ant. What the fuck happened to me? I need to find that inner strength and get back on my game. Sure I have a bit of an excuse, School kinda full time so I can better myself, but I don't even have the bills to buy the goods I need for the skills I have so I have to eat crow and work a piddly job so I can get all the latest and greatest equipment so I can get back on my game. At this point in my life I feel like a shell of myself. Sure this may sound like a pity party , but give me a fucking break! I don't recall sending you an invite.
Sure, I got off on a rant and that's okay, isn't this what blogging is all about?
I am grateful though for all the things I do still have. A loving mother, 2 dogs that use me for food when I do get a chance to see them and and estranged husband that not a dick.
Well, till next time,
Cheers,
Absolutely Alex
For instance, my Mac took a major shit! I can't afford a new one so I work at a lousy job so I can afford one someday. Today I opened my paycheck and it was for 44 hours of work at a whopping 398.00. Fuck man I remember the days when I could make that much cash in one 3 hour photo shoot, along with a few hours of downloading and photo shopping, but that's fun and it's a cake walk compared to my lousy job at , well, lets call it "The Mother Ship" I don't want to slander or anything.
So now maybe your thinking, how did Alex get in this mess? Well it all started out with loosing everything by making bad decisions. Yes at one time I felt like I had it all. Money, a killer house, a cool husband that let me do whatever the fuck I wanted, and great animals. Not to mention my photography business was on a climb and my fine art shows were getting great reviews. I had the confidence of a queen. Well that all ended with a shitload of bad business decisions and a husband with a huge ego. Anyhow, It's all gone and Hell why not get rid of the husband while my chips are down and I've just had it with everything.
Well, starting over is rough especially when one has the confidence of an ant. What the fuck happened to me? I need to find that inner strength and get back on my game. Sure I have a bit of an excuse, School kinda full time so I can better myself, but I don't even have the bills to buy the goods I need for the skills I have so I have to eat crow and work a piddly job so I can get all the latest and greatest equipment so I can get back on my game. At this point in my life I feel like a shell of myself. Sure this may sound like a pity party , but give me a fucking break! I don't recall sending you an invite.
Sure, I got off on a rant and that's okay, isn't this what blogging is all about?
I am grateful though for all the things I do still have. A loving mother, 2 dogs that use me for food when I do get a chance to see them and and estranged husband that not a dick.
Well, till next time,
Cheers,
Absolutely Alex
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